Simply About Difficult

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Saturday, 12 October 2013

The Character / Le Personnage

Disappointments... How much value they do carry in our life? How many dreams they have destroyed? Have many souls broken? How many desires burnt?

My first disappointment in life appeared to be the moment my notebooks stopped being with a cover of Micky and Minnie Mouses. I still remember like it was just yesterday! My parents brought me school supplies for the first grade from Moscow. It was all about Disney characters. And when I say all, I really mean it. All my stationery: pens, pencils, notebooks, stickers, pencil cases, book coverings were chosen very carefully. And for that time it could be considered as luxury. I was feeling super-puper special to be the only one in the class with these kind of "cool accessories". I was feeling different than anyone in that class. That was my happiness. Sincere happiness. I found myself to some extent in the no-man's land of life, I was far above the ground.

This happiness only lasted for six months. Later on, notebooks finished and I needed to buy more. For that period of time only ones you could purchase in Baku were green, thin, ordinary notebooks. Not as superior in design as my previous ones. They were just like everyone else in my class had. Oh, how much I cried in despair! It was my first tragedy. My first disappointment. My life would not be the same after that. I would not be that cool. I would be just like anyone else. What could be worse for a child at the age of seven? I knew that it was ridiculous and childish, and it was not a global problem, for me I wasn't that fool to myself, and yet I wanted to please myself. There was my fail that I sensed lay ahead. It was not yet adulthood, but it was not childhood already. This disappointment turned liquid in my veins, banged against my heart and clung to my memory. I was a grotesque, disappointed child feeling tender emotion melting over me or, rather making me melt with bedazzled tenderness.You probably read it and think what an egoist child she was. But lets face the truth. We were all like that in our childhood. If you still do not want to confess, that is fine.


At some point in life we turn back to see how it was before. And we see that what we called disappointment at the age of twenty is absolutely different than what we called disappointment at the age of seven. BUT have our reaction against disappointment changed? NO. We still find it difficult to recover from every bust in our life. We still fight our inner me. Not a single washout makes us wiser, but stronger. With every year added to our lifetime disappointments tend to be more tragic. It happens because we consider ourselves more experienced than we used to be. We contemplate our reaction to any impasse as a more complex one. But it is not true. We are still same people no matter how rich or poor our life experience was.

I also cannot agree with the saying that we should not expect much not to have disappointments in our life. How is it possible to imagine life without expectations? People need to expect, people need to dream, people need to wish! I salute such people's efforts, ingenuity and commitment to life. We should NOT try to avoid any kind of disappointment we just have to build ourself up for rejection! And if you still fail, no worries. Anyone who has ever told you they have never had high disappointments is either lying, in denial or is heading for a really big fall. Remember, the most useful examples in life come from the things that do not really work.


2 comments:

  1. There is a chinese proverb that says something like "Failure is the mother of success". :)

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    1. Very well said. Thanks for your comment.

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