Simply About Difficult

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Saturday, 12 October 2013

The Character / Le Personnage

Disappointments... How much value they do carry in our life? How many dreams they have destroyed? Have many souls broken? How many desires burnt?

My first disappointment in life appeared to be the moment my notebooks stopped being with a cover of Micky and Minnie Mouses. I still remember like it was just yesterday! My parents brought me school supplies for the first grade from Moscow. It was all about Disney characters. And when I say all, I really mean it. All my stationery: pens, pencils, notebooks, stickers, pencil cases, book coverings were chosen very carefully. And for that time it could be considered as luxury. I was feeling super-puper special to be the only one in the class with these kind of "cool accessories". I was feeling different than anyone in that class. That was my happiness. Sincere happiness. I found myself to some extent in the no-man's land of life, I was far above the ground.

This happiness only lasted for six months. Later on, notebooks finished and I needed to buy more. For that period of time only ones you could purchase in Baku were green, thin, ordinary notebooks. Not as superior in design as my previous ones. They were just like everyone else in my class had. Oh, how much I cried in despair! It was my first tragedy. My first disappointment. My life would not be the same after that. I would not be that cool. I would be just like anyone else. What could be worse for a child at the age of seven? I knew that it was ridiculous and childish, and it was not a global problem, for me I wasn't that fool to myself, and yet I wanted to please myself. There was my fail that I sensed lay ahead. It was not yet adulthood, but it was not childhood already. This disappointment turned liquid in my veins, banged against my heart and clung to my memory. I was a grotesque, disappointed child feeling tender emotion melting over me or, rather making me melt with bedazzled tenderness.You probably read it and think what an egoist child she was. But lets face the truth. We were all like that in our childhood. If you still do not want to confess, that is fine.